Mine Cart Madness.

I’m paying my credit card bill tonight because paying it on April Fool’s day seems ill advised.

Sister is gone, but my absence here may extend a few more days.  Graduating college can be hectic, I’m learning.  Another stepping stone on this perpetual life pond I seem to be crossing.  I feel like Donkey Kong bouncing off vultures to cross a ridiculously huge abyss that no gorilla should be attempting to cross anyway.  And he has the roll bounce, I don’t.

-Zanramon

zanramon@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Video Games, All | 2 Comments »

Wasted potential in a drink.

Those who know me well know that I’m somewhat of a diet soda connoisseur. The title may be self given, but that does not imply that it is false. (You’d have to know my quite well, as I tend to be quite elusive during meals, retiring to my quarters to catch up on NBA news.) Quibbles aside, I drink more than my fair share of diet soda. I fear I may be in the midst of an ill fated ride towards some sort of heinous cancer, but someday we will all meet our demise. Fake sugar is my White Album. I consume it on stolen time.

For years, it was always Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi. They were the de facto standards for diet soda. There may have been the occasional Tab or Fresca or something else outrageous, but anything beyond Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi tended to be more rare than the company that birthed Donkey Kong Country. The lack of choices meant business was good, there was no reason to change. And they didn’t, for a long time.

In the last 2 or so years however, we’ve seen somewhat of an explosion of new choices in the diet soda category. Never has the industry seen this kind of breadth of choice. A veritable Dot Com boom of zero calorie drinks, if you will. Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Mountain Dew, Sprite Zero, some variety of diet orange things. They all boldly claimed their moment in my refrigerator only to be one upped by new drinks that tended to be wordier than a Fall Out Boy song: Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper, Code Red Cherry Diet Mountain Dew or Jazz Caramel Cream Diet Pepsi.

Unfortunately, the inevitable happened and the super-saturated point was reached. The choices couldn’t continue to be good forever. It all came crashing down with Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper. (Henceforth referred to as CCDDP. That title is just begging to dole out carpal tunnel.) Which sounds pretty great, if not fucking fantastic. The sad reality though: it’s terrible.

Somehow in my OCD riddled mind I’ve come to the point where I must smuggle provisions into any movie I see at the cinema. Generally you can count me in for my flavor of the week diet soda and some delicious beef jerky. Before I went to see the excellent Be Kind Rewind I partook in a quest to find this new drink. My hopes were unrealistic in retrospect. (And possibly skewed by the limited-edition status of CCDDP.) I wanted the ultimate experience in zero calorie freedom. A sense of nirvana about my cola. I had visions of myself stockpiling the drink, making the already regulated supplies of CCDDP even more difficult to obtain. I would sit in my ivory tower and laugh at the rabble as they frantically tried to locate this resonant drink. I planned to possibly store my stores in an underground bunker.

As previously stated, it wasn’t to be. Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper is a false prophet. The faint taste of some sort of poor excuse for chocolate is deeply masked by whatever Dr. Pepper actually tastes like. The cherry flavor is nonexistent, an afterthought. It is a mismatched jigsaw puzzle, one where you’ve dropped the last puzzle piece down the heater vent. It will never be retrieved.

CCDDP falls apart all together with the odd, medicine like aftertaste. The tragedy of this drink is unrivaled in, not just the diet soda, but flavored drink world all together. Yes, including the unrealized genius of Orbitz. CCDDP had tremendous upside. There was no ceiling for it, none whatsoever. Unfortunately, it turned out to be more Qyntel Woods than Josh Smith.

The hope is that CCDDP fades away quietly, slipping out of our minds in the peaceful ebb and flow of our conscience coast. A poor effort is disappointing, but wasted potential is simply sad.

-Zanramon

zanramon@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Video Games, All, NBA, Sports | 5 Comments »

Replication vs. Escapism

That’s right: writer’s block circumnavigated, at least for now.  As Jay-Z would say: I’m back like Jordan wearing the 45.  (That’s right, two colons in two sentences just to show off. I’m feeling good.)  Now without further ado, I give you a new essay.

I can hit home runs out of the park, or bowl a perfect game in Wii Sports. I can rock a stadium better than Human Clay era Scott Stapp in full self-importance mode via Rock Band or Guitar Hero. I can even live out all of my Michael Jackson fantasies in Dance Dance Revolution. (I realize that talking about “my Michael Jackson fantasies” may be completely ill advised, but I assure you that all involve dance moves and none involve children or changing my skin color.) If nothing else, this recent trend of video games that replicate activities sure makes me feel like I am extremely skilled.

Critical acclaim has met the Wii’s included sports game and it’s kin for getting kids up off the couch, at least moving around a bit, and getting the blood flowing while playing video games. While I would certainly never discourage physical activity and I absolutely won’t deny that I have a really good time with Wii Sports and Rock Band, I think these games, while interesting, are not good, but rather, are in fact a negative thing.

First of all, rather than playing Wii Tennis, go play real tennis. As stated, Wii Tennis is fun and I’m much better at it than real tennis, but for the love of Jehovah, wouldn’t you rather be playing real tennis? I know I would. My desire to play real sports outweighs my desire to play Wii Sports by about 80,000fold. (Which is like tenfold but much more serious.)

Granted, the learning curve for real tennis is a bit steeper than the learning curve for Wii Tennis, but if I played tennis outside on the court the same amount of time I played Wii Tennis I would be, while not quite Bjorn Borg-ian, certainly serviceable. As it is now, when Drew and I play, I get thrown up and down the court more than the Tower of Terror ride at Disneyland. Kelly probably would have beaten me too had she not been stricken down by an unfortunately timed asthma attack.

If I spent all the time I’ve spent playing Guitar Hero actually playing the guitar I would be, well, better than I am now. I’m fairly certain, had I actually put those precious hours to practicing real guitar, I could make my way through Either/Or, and I put the least amount of hours in out of all my roommates. My 995 group might have the second coming of something Beatlesesque if those Rock Band hours were spent melding ourselves into a real rock band. I like to think we would call ourselves the Chronicles of Gnarnia.

Second of all, while these games are being lionized for forcing the player to be active, in a way they are actually counterproductive. They have created this odd and unforeseen situation where you are getting good at fake guitar playing skills or fake bowling skills. What is the point? It’s easy to argue that, well, this is what happens in every single video game. There is a large difference though. In traditional video games you may still be developing fake skills, but had they been real, 99% of the time they are skills that you would never develop in the non-video game world.

I’m sorry but you won’t ever be a human sized earthworm who inexplicably not only has arms and legs, but can also grab his body with one of said limbs and use the entire thing to whip enemies. Or for a less extreme (and non-Earthworm Jim inspired) example, you most likely (and hopefully) will never be doling out headshots as thoughtlessly as if were US dollars in England. And be honest, you won’t ever be able to play football against Asante Samuel or basketball against Brandon Roy either. Rather than developing fictitious skills for things you won’t ever do anyway, you are developing fictitious skills for tasks you could normally do in your mundane everyday life. It is seriously counterproductive.

Where does this trend of replicating attainable activities in video games end? Next year will we be playing video games where we virtually cook, or sew, or dress ourselves? How unremarkable and focused will these get?* Has our society really come to the point where we would rather simulate the things we do than actually do them?

Video games should be about escapism and living the life you’ll never live otherwise, not doing things you could just walk outside and do, for real. Now if you’ll excuse me, as excellent and illuminating as this essay has been and is, I need to get back to traveling through time as a sarcastic adolescent turtle to fight an alligator in a vest and a cowboy hat.

-John
john@addictedtowords.com

*Which makes me come to the conclusion that word processing is to writing as Wii Boxing is to boxing. Is word processing some sort of hyper advanced video game that came about well before it’s time?

Posted in Video Games, Technology, All, Sports, Music | No Comments »

Nano? Nan-yes!

Through some seriously sinister means I managed to get my filthy hands on a new iPod nano. Alright, so my means aren’t sinister (nor are my hands filthy, reportedly they are quite soft), but I could not resist an alliteration. As much as I try and avoid being consumeristic or materialistic, I love this new iPod. Maybe it’s the fact that I have been somewhat masochistically soldiering on for the last three years with an iPod without a screen. My first generation shuffle (or Sex Machine, as I had inexplicably named it in iTunes) had wonderful battery life and was good for running, but was more annoying than Oliver in the OC was when it came to listening to podcasts or audio books. I really did enjoy Sex Machine though, despite some semi serious abuse, and lots of sweat, it survived while I watched more expensive iPod after more expensive iPod die at the hands of my friends and acquaintances.

I had been planning on upgrading for a little while now, but nothing really had fit the bill so far. My music library was too huge to fit on iPods, until the brand new 160gb classic ones were released, but I wanted to avoid a spinning hard drive. I want flash so I don’t go breaking it when I run. The iPod Touch is obviously really cool, but it would be a redundancy if, and when, I get an iPhone (because come on, let’s just face the fact that sooner or later every single person in the world will have an iPhone). As soon as I saw one of the new iPod Nano’s in person, I knew it would be mine. Much like the first time I saw Rachel McAdams, only less creepy and more successful. The thing is very small, as evidenced by the following picture: (Disclaimer: I have ridiculously huge hands, possibly distorting how small the iPod is. Seriously, my hands are way too big, I would certainly be playing in the NBA if it weren’t for my 7 inch vertical leap.) (Note: My phone takes surprisingly decent pictures.)

Anyway, I really like my new iPod. Watching video on it is surprisingly easy on the eyes and looks rather nice. It could be some kind of placebo effect, but I’d swear the sound quality is better than it was on Sex Machine. And I don’t know when iPods started coming with games, but somebody should have told me. The Vortex game has already laid claim to a good hour and a half of my day today. This speaks mostly to how addictive the game is, but also to how I am a worthless piece of shit.

My only complaint so far is how I gingerly carry this thing around, scared of getting the slightest scratch or fingerprint on it. I feel like the science teacher in that one Lost episode carrying the unstable dynamite. I know I will eventually going to scratch my iPod. Just like unstable dynamite blowing up in the arms of a negligible character in a television drama, it’s inevitably going to happen. I’m just going to be overly careful until it does. I suppose another complaint is when my gorilla-esque hands slip off the scroll wheel and I lose a life while playing Vortex. Also, apparently I care too much about video games.

That’s all well and good that I like my new iPod. I’m sure collectively all the people that care is around .3 of a person. The real issue at stake here is what do I name my new iPod. It’s currently called Champion, after my less than ubiquitous middle name. It’s a good name to be my middle name, but I need a better name for my iPod. Any thoughts?

-John

john@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Video Games, Technology, All, Apple | 5 Comments »

Wherein I realize everything I thought was productive is actually counter productive.

Maybe it’s because finals week is in the air and everybody is shifting into sixth gear, but I feel like I hit a new low today. I traded Andrew Bynum for Richard Jefferson and Jameer Nelson for Stephen Jackson on my fantasy basketball team. On the surface that isn’t so bad, in fact it could be looked at as good, as I feel it improves me team. What it represents is the new low: When I made these trades I actually felt like I had accomplished something productive. About an hour later, as I basked in my apparent productivity, and watched Timon & Pumba reruns on the Toon Disney channel, it hit me harder than news of Greg Oden’s microfracture surgery: Not only was making trades on my fantasy basketball team not in any way productive, it was, in fact, counterproductive, and sadly this could almost be a metaphor for everything I have done this semester.

Somehow I have gotten to a point in my life where I think completely non productive things are productive and benefit the world at large. I spend far too much time thinking about and “working” on completely inane junk, yet I think I’m getting something done despite the fact that it involves completely inane junk. This weekend (and I say weekend in the loosest sense of the word, my weekends currently span Wednesday night to Sunday night) was humming along at what I considered a very productive pace. Once this fantasy basketball revelation hit me, I looked into the past at the things I had actually accomplished, and that I considered productive, this weekend and the list looked a little something like this:

Wednesday Night:

1. Went Running
2. Wrote on my blog about who you would willingly poison at McDonald’s.
3. Finally watched Transformers in HD on Mojo’s new giant TV (which isn’t a very good movie, but is about 20 times better in HD).
4. Helped Drew and Mojo and Gabe clean out their freezer by eating 2 ice cream sandwiches.
5. Picked on my ex-girlfriend partly because she forgot we were going to hang out, partly just because she is my ex-girlfriend (I am a terrible human being).

Thursday:

1. Got the front left tire on my car fixed.
2. Washed my car.
3. Reserved lights, and got condescended upon at my school.
4. Bought 75 balloons at Party City.
5. Deposited a check (not from a job).
6. Inflated about 30 of these balloons before I psuedo passed on the couch.
7. Live blogged about the Hills (in retrospect, this is particularly painful).
8. Went running.
9. Went out with my friends, drank heavily, and danced wildly.

Friday:

1. Inflated 45 balloons (for a grand total of all 75), before I really passed out on the couch this time.
2. Picked up previously reserved lights.
3. Napped.
4. Took pictures of a man in a speedo among balloons looking overtly and intentionally creepy.*
5. Beat Turtles in Time on the “normal” setting.

I might add that I have no job.

That’s a grand total of 19 things I considered productive. Some of these things aren’t remotely productive (beating Turtles in Time), some of them toe the line of productivity (getting my tire fixed), and some of them are just plain weird (inflating 75 balloons with my own lungs comes to mind), but none of them are what you (and by you I mean probably anybody other than me) would consider actually productive, or useful, or constructive, or fruitful, or any other adjective I could come up with.

I have no idea how I got to this point. My personal dictionary has gotten seriously messed up. Somewhere along the line my examples of productive went from being things like “working a 40 hour week” or “writing an essay” to things like “eating ice cream sandwiches” or “writing minute by minute updates about some shitty MTV show”.

Upon realizing that six year old John Vieira probably got more done in 4 months than 21/22 year old John Vieira I momentarily panicked. I’m graduating from college (if all goes according to plan) in less than 6 months. I should be maniacally editing my resume and updating my resume tape. Instead, my resume looks just like it did when I applied for internships last summer. As for my tape, well I left my razor at home, thus my current beard face makes it impossible to update my tape.**

The next logical step would be to swear off all non-productive “accomplishments”, as well as any ill advised facial hair, but I fear that’s not going to happen. It may be viewed with scorn, by both myself and the world at large, but I’m strangely ok with finding a movie in HD to be a worthwhile activity. The real world, with all it’s jobs, and mortgages, and it’s lack of video games, and traditional definitions of “productivity” is coming soon enough, in fact it’s walking up my front stairs to knock on my door as we speak. I’m going to enjoy these last few moments of bliss before that asshat knocks on my door. And then when he does, I’ll probably take my time walking down the stairs and letting them in. I’ll also fiddle with the deadbolt for about 3 minutes, I’m sure.

Next semester I actually have class 4 days a week, and then my first anchoring job on Fridays. I’ll be beardless, groomed, and more traditionally productive. I’ll still write essays about Ninja Turtles, I’ll still drink too much, and I’ll still watch Toon Disney to my heart’s content, all in the name of productivity. I’ll have on foot firmly planted in the real world, but I plan on keeping one foot (even more) firmly planted in this strange fantasy land where nothing gets done, that I currently reside in. It’s a baby step.

Once I graduate, I’m sure things will change, I’ll find it in myself to be an adult. Or probably more appropriately and accurately, as close to an adult as John Vieira can be (let’s be honest here, I will always find Lord of the Rings unbelievably awesome). Until my time comes to be adult (-ish) though, you better damn well believe I’ll be firmly planted on my couch trying to beat Turtles in Time on the “hard” setting.***

And if I haven’t beaten it by then, well, according to the pixelized Master Splinter, I can’t consider myself a true ninja. And that means I’ll just have to keep playing for awhile longer.

-John

john@addictedtowords.com

*I feel like this probably needs explaining, but I think it’s funnier to just not explain.
**Unless I want to apply to be the next Dan Fouts, or an ESPN anchor from 1991.

Posted in Video Games, All, TV, Movies | 2 Comments »

Yoshi deserves more than this.

In Super Mario World for SNES, why does Yoshi come out of his egg wearing a saddle? This seems to send the message that Yoshi and his brethren are bred to immediately become slaves for Mario and Luigi, which is unfortunate. Yoshis (is that what you would call their kind, or is that a specific name?) seem to deserve better than this. I think that they have their own language and also own their own island.

Not to get all Hermoine Granger on you, but shouldn’t something be done about this? It seems like Yoshi should be more of a complimentary character to Mario and Luigi rather than basically a glorified mule. He gets to race with them in Mario Kart, but I get the feelings it’s more like “We all know each other here, no harm in letting Yoshi have a little fun,” but then when they go back to the rest of the world they can’t let Yoshi seem like an equal.

I would be ok with the Mario-Yoshi relationship if there was evidence that it was a relationship that was created, kind of like the dragons from Eragon and their riders. But as far as I can tell, Yoshi is forced into working for and transporting Mario, right out of the egg.

This just doesn’t sit well with me, and I wanted to unburden myself of it. Think about video game slavery next time you play.

-John

john@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Video Games, Magical Things, All | 1 Comment »

Best interview ever.

Starcraft II is coming out before long, and from what I can tell it’s pretty highly anticipated. It’s highly probable you may not know that Starcraft II is a PC game by the way. I found this Q&A session with some of the developers and it’s probably the best interview I have ever read. Also, it is Q&A session round 14. First of all, how awesome is that? There have been 14 sessions of these awesome awesome questions. This has to be one of the most unintentionally funny things I have ever read. Here are some tantalizing examples of the questions and answers:

1. What happens if you initiate the warp-in of a Protoss Stalker but the pylon providing power is destroyed before warp-in completes? If you lose the pylon providing power for the unit warping in, you will lose that unit, and the purchasing credits will likely be refunded.
2. Could the Colossus be transported by the Phase Prism, since the Prism’s crystal can turn any matter into energy? Yes, the new Phase Prism now transports by changing the unit they wish to transport into energy, which is stored in the Phase Prism for transport. This allows the Phase Prism to be able to transport even gigantic units such as the Colossus.
3. Will Dark Templars be invisible when warping in, or susceptible to attack for a few seconds before it fades out? No, currently the Dark Templar will be invisible the instant it begins to warp-in, though of course we are still testing this for balance as it makes the Dark Templar quite strong in back door drops.

I know I’m kind of a nerd, for instance take the fact I am typing on my blog right now, that I usually update more than once per day, but this is even beyond my level of nerdiness. I understood like two words of the interview. This is just too good. I can only hope to someday reach this level of nerdiness, and I’m going to do my best to achieve this gold standard. Expect a serious regiment of lots of Dungeons & Dragons, Magic: The Gathering, Everquest, and soldering irons. Wish me luck!

-John

john@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Video Games, All | No Comments »

Halo 3

I know I can’t really get away with making fun of the excitement around the Halo 3 release and all the people waiting in line to buy it at midnight. I saw all the Lord of the Rings movies at midnight for the premiere (and I dressed up I might add), as well as Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix this summer, and of course I was there at midnight to pick up Deathly Hallows when it was released. Not to mention, playing video games is one of my favorite things to do. So really, by poking fun at Halo fans I may in fact be the world’s biggest hypocrite. But it’s just too much fun…

OH MY GOD ITS HERE! Halo 3 is being released as I type, so I figured I definitely need to give a play by play. Luckily SpikeTV is showing the release live! GoldenEye is on SpikeTV right now too, but they are cutting in with Halo updates. Updates!

Here are the riveting events, as they happen:

11:59 - Special Halo armor arrives at the store in a Hummer with sirens flanked by ATVs. They should have brought it in a Halo armored car, armored with actual halo armor. That would have been much safer if somebody wanted to rob the motorcade and steal the Halo armor. Plus, so much more ironic.
11:59 - The first guy in line says he is “definitely going to play single player first”, which I’m glad I know now. Definitely.
11:59 - A different guy says he is “fired up”. He doesn’t look fired up, he looks tired.
12:00 - Master Chief is in the store. So nice of him to take time off from killing to pass out video games.
12:00 - The countdown gets stopped at 3, picks back up 2 seconds later. Whew, that was close. Luckily, Geoff Keighley is hosting this event. He is our brave leader and would never let the countdown end too early!
12:00 - “Look at this, these guys are just walking right in to Master Chief,” says Geoff Keighley. Just in case you couldn’t tell.
12:00 - Guy in line is buying master edition with the helmet, he says that he is doing this because he is a hardcore fan, in case you couldn’t tell by the face he was lined up at midnight to buy Halo 3. The guy behind him looks like he is about to pass out and needs medical help. Seriously, I’m worried about him.
12:00 - Geoff Keighley tells us to stick around for Linkin Park. Sweet mother of pearl. I’m definitely sticking around. Halo 3 and Linkin Park go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Back to GoldenEye for now but the Halo 3 launch will be back, Geoff Keighley assures me.

12:12 - James Bond just blew something up with his exploding pen and ran straight into the elevator. In case of fire you are supposed to use stairs, James!
12:13 - Now he just killed a guy in a full army outfit including a helmet by pushing him against two walls. James is all powerful.
12:14 - Lady wants the “Could my butt look any bigger? Meal” from Burger Town in the Subway commercial. To be honest, that doesn’t sound very good.
12:27 - James’ lovemaking is rudely interrupted by a gang of Marines. The head marine offers to let them “finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo.” So thoughtful.
12:29 - “THIS IS HALO!” says a guy in the commercial telling us to not go anywhere because we are about to get back to the Halo 3 coverage. Somebody wishes they were a Spartan
12:31 - “Get ready to hail to the chief, the Master Chief,” says host Geoff Keighley. I know I’m ready.
12:31 - “Halo is not just a game, it’s a phenomenon.” Just like the John Travolta movie! Little known fact: There was a Phenomenon 2 made in 2003. Possibly the most ill advised sequel ever.
12:31 - Apparently Master Chief is Jason Bourne-like (I don’t see it), and Halo takes place in the 26th century.
12:32 - Cut to the “bowels of Bungie, in Seattle”, to interview the Halo 3 content manager. Any interview that takes place in bowels makes me a little bit nervous.
12:32 - Halo 3 content manager: “Job #1, make a better game.” John Vieira: “Job #1, oh, nevermind, I am unemployed.”
12:33 - Now they are somewhere else and girls in bikinis are dancing on top of a giant Halo 3 banner. Since when do girls like video game guys?
12:34 - I kind of wish the main character was called “Master Chef”.
12:34 - Some fan knows how much Master Chief’s armor weighs. There is some discrepancy, but they eventually agree on two tons! That seems way too heavy for armor, if you still want to walk, much less kill people.
12:35 - Some guys are doing a skit about Halo. They are all wearing fake mustaches and keep saying “You bet your sweet cheeks.” Not very Halo-y, if you ask me.
12:36 - “Later, the music of Halo inspires one band to perform right here!” I’m just sure Linkin Park are inspired by Halo.
12:37 - 24,783rd showing of the exact same Halo commercial, Stop advertising it to me, I’m already watching the release! I’m obviously a hard core fan!
12:38 - The Air Force’s new website is http://www.dosomethingamazing.com. No, seriously, it is!
12:39 - Good to know drinking Mountain Dew will make me better at Halo. “New Mountain Dew Game Fuel, cranked up for Halo. Chug it and show no mercy!” Mmm, mercilessly delicious!
12:40 - Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz: “Maybe we could check it out in general.” Somehow this refers to Halo.
12:41 - Pete Wentz: “Master Chief is like a lot taller than me.”
12:41 - McFarlane Toys, the company that makes Halo toys has a 3-D printer. I’m adding one of those to my Christmas list. The possibilities are endless…
12:42 - “Some Halo fans get more action by becoming Master Chief.” I know that’s how I impress girls.
12:42 - One guy spent $3,000 on making his Master Chief costume. I suddenly feel much better about my hobbies.
12:43 - “By day I play video games, by night I make Halo armor.” And he’s 100% serious.
12:44 - “Everybody wins at Dave & Busters.” Except for the 55 year old men playing Dance Dance Revolution in the commercial.
12:45 - For some reason I can’t get enough of those Snicker’s “Feast” commercials. Scott is not amused.
12:45 - Painfully low budget commercial for uBid.com, who not only ripped off eBay’s premise, but also their logo. “uBid uPhoria! Catch it now at uBid.com!” I’m sorry but a company’s catch phrase should never involve catching anything contagious.
12:47 - “The Halo franchise is spreading faster than a flood of aliens!” Now that is fast.
12:48 - Peter Jackson is directing the Halo movie. Could be good, seriously.
12:48 - The lead designer of the upcoming Halo strategy game, Halo Wars, can’t really show us or tell us anything about Halo Wars.
12:49 - Upcoming Halo: Uprising comic artists: “You log-in, and basically start killing each other.”
12:50 - “Tucker is a pervert and a moron, pretty much exactly like me,” says the guy who plays the Tucker character.
12:51 - Up next: Halo paintball! Just like regular paintball but everybody wears Master Chief helmets!
12:52 - Wilco + Volkswagen = Two of my favorite things. Great ads!
12:53 - Monster.com asks what you are working for: “Is it the all day meetings?” Um, no.
12:53 - NetZero chairman tells us that all internet providers take us to the same internet. He obviously doesn’t know about teh intertubes. Kthxbai!!1!
12:55 - “Today is our very very very very famed Halo paintball game,” says the Halo paintball game coordinator. That’s a lot of very’s.
12:55 - “The fans were like, ‘You’ve got to do a paintball version of Halo,’ so we did it. And it’s totally awesome!”
12:56 - The Halo 3 music composer is very concerned about the drama. He says more people should be killed. “So you’re the one asking for more people to get killed,” says Geoff Keighley.
12:57 - Rob, the bass player for Halo has a pretty damn random job.
12:58 - “This is not a Guitar Hero guitar, this is a Halo guitar.” The strings in place of multicolored buttons were what gave it away for me. “I would shred on that guitar,” responds Chester Bennington, the Linkin Park screamer guy who doesn’t play guitar. I can only imagine.
12:58 - Linkin Park plays for about 15 seconds. They dug deeper just to throw it away.
12:59 - Geoff Keighley knows the game, do you? Roll credits.

I can now get some sleep knowing that Halo 3 was successfully released. Thank you to Geoff Keighley for guiding us on the epic journey.

Time to go dream of Master Chef and his cooking prowess.

-John

john@addictedtowords.com

Posted in Magical Things, Video Games, All, Music, TV, Movies | 7 Comments »